David Beckham and James Anderson pose nude for gay magazine – part of Ashes scare plan
“After holding talks with David Beckham, we are pleased to announce that he will be available for the Ashes and will fly to Australia later this week. His inclusion in the side will give it a much needed ego boost after the massive failure of the German
bonding trip that resulted in the injuries of our bowlers, James Anderson and Chris Tremlett. The players got a little carried away after they practised sledging which resulted in rising tempers. To avoid conflict and ensure safety, we provided them with boxing
gloves and headgear to sort out their issues like real men. Unfortunately, that has resulted in a cracked rib and some bad bruises”, said Andy flower, earlier today.
With the Ashes now fast approaching, both Australia and England have been discussing tactics to intimidate the opposition with England devising a clever strategy to set panic in the Australian camp. In fact, panic would be an understatement, for these tactics
will surely set fire in the Kangaroo set up.
James Anderson and David Beckham have been picked by the England team, to serve a more brutal purpose. They will pose nude in the stadium for a photo shoot with the gay magazine "Attitude", which will effectively send the Australian team into trauma. Those
nude images will serve to distract the formidable Aussies and help England unsettle their nerves.
It is important to mention here that before Pakistan’s controversial tour to England, where the former suffered heavy losses to the Englishmen in battle gear, three English cricketers appeared naked, bare naked, butt naked, whatever sounds pleasing to the
ears, holding strategically placed ‘BLACK’ cricket bats.
Mohammad Amir, it was learnt, had taken up drinking after he was approached by Anderson nude, which served to mortify the teenager who was in a severe state of shock. It was also learnt that some nude images of Stuart Broad were also slipped into the Pakistan
dressing room, before the team went on to bowl in the second innings of the Lords Test. Stuart broad went on to score 169 runs in that match, whereas the Pakistan bowlers failed to look the man in the eye, lest he stripped on the pitch to give the poor lads
a heart attack.
Now, England hopes to repeat this psychological warfare against the Aussies, as pictures of a nude James Anderson have appeared in the gay magazine, Attitude. David Beckham has also posed nude for the same magazine and now it seems that these two men will
work side by side to hamper Australia in their bid to win the Ashes.
In a statement issued by Andy Flower however, he dismissed all allegations that Ijaz Butt was somehow responsible for inducing this erratic behaviour in a rather conservative British society. “Ijaz Butt and his good looks cannot be held responsible for English
players tearing their clothes apart.”
“Anderson and Beckham have been preparing very hard for this, and we hope that they will have an impact in Australia where the wickets are bouncy.”
Ricky Ponting seems unfazed with these developments. “We still got the Tasmanian devil and will set him lose on any naked man seen anywhere near the circumference of the stadium. They are being trained by specialist trainers to sniff out James Anderson and
David Beckham and wreak strategic havoc on the naked men.”
Ijaz Butt was available for comments, and he noted, “This is a conspiracy to malign Shahid Afridi and Pakistan cricket. We will not allow these dark forces to corrupt the development of the little yellow organ that is sporadically found in our boys.”
ECB chairman, Giles Clarke defended this approach standing alongside his buddy, the Texan millionaire (note – fake) Allen Stanford. “We must work towards eliminating these evil forces that threaten our way of existence”, said Clarke.
“On a lighter note, the 20 (fake) million dollar tournament where my friend landed in a (fake) helicopter at Lords was a joke and not one of the biggest frauds in human history as some say. Haha, gotcha! On a serious note, let us all pretend that never happened
and focus on some bare bums”
(The writer is an aspiring entrepreneur, who transforms into a cricket fanatic during the night. Something like Edward Cullen, with a brain who mixes fiction with facts to produce humour for a living)